My life is usually stagnant at best or, in the worst case scenario, just downright boring.

Not this week, though!

I’ll be in Seattle, WA this weekend fulfilling my lifelong perverted fantasy. If anyone reading this is living in the Seattle area, can you recommend a fun activity or a nice restaurant for Sunday brunch? In exchange, I’ll write about anything you want me to.

Mastro’s

is officially my most favoritest steakhouse ever. There’s nothing like a steak cooked in butter with a glass of 18 year old Scotch to wash it down.

New phone

My 2 years with the Razr made me vow to never get anything made by Motorola ever again. I love my new phone. It’s an unlocked GSM phone from Europe (Samsung Soul) complete with a Dutch instruction manual. I had one hell of a time navigating through the interface to change the language to English. I was originally in the market for a Japanese phone but the flaming hoops that I had to jump through to even get one to work halfway was a major turnoff.

What the fuck do you mean that I can’t have MP3 ringtones? What? I have to saw off half of my SIM card? No Bluetooth? What do you mean no text messaging?

I get bullied by enough Draconian policies at work as it is. I don’t need my phone’s manufacturer to veto my telephone preferences and then proceed to rub its testicles all over my face. Unlocked European phones are a perfect blend of technology and freedom. Japanese phones… are only great to look at while you’re waiting in line for bread with your comrades at the proletariat grain depot.

I DON’T SPEAK DUTCH, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

I love Kent and Bosun. They shower me with exotic presents from the Orient and expect nothing from me in return.

I also have to give them some dap for being in tune with my interests.

This will be the first piece of non-birth-control-literature that I will read in over 6 years. This might actually help me meet some girls. Well, not really.

Lakers win game 5!

The Lakers are going to get destroyed in game 6 with the way that they’re playing.

100 Free Throws

I went to the basketball courts at Whitney High School and shot 100 free throws on Saturday. I made 33 out of 100. I suck, but at least I beat Ken. Then we got trashed at the bar in the local bowling alley. I’m going to miss him when he moves up to San Francisco next month.

Quiz 3 Answer

There is no wrong answer, but the true correct answer is to think outside the box and say D) All of the above because hanging out with me is a mayonnaise jarful of fun!

Finally gaining weight?

I am officially at 146.7 lbs (at 5′9″). I can beat up most girls and guys with physical (not mental, those fuckers are strong) disabilities. Life is great.

Wonder Girls - So Hot

민선예 So Hot!
박예은 So Hot!
선미짱 So Hot!
안소희 So Hot!
김유빈 So Hot!
사랑해요 원더걸스
매력만점 원더걸스
So Hot 대박

So Hee still can’t sing. Sun Mi is still a hairy reptile. That thing they do where they run their finger up the leg of the girl next them (2:50) still arouses me.

I <3 Sun Ye (even though she’s only 18 and they make her wear that hideous wig).

(8:53:53 PM) Sam: they better rig the games or something
(8:53:59 PM) Sam: because this is some sad shit
(8:54:52 PM) Ken: don’t know how you can rig it with the way the lakers are playing
(8:55:04 PM) Sam: 100 free throws
(8:55:14 PM) Ken: yeah

I also gotta give some dap to my RSF buddies.

What does one stroke get you?

3 feet of horizontal displacement in a swimming pool?

1/5 of the way to the height of passion for young and eligible bachelors like myself?

This?

If anyone wants to send me their unused 3 iron, please email me or leave me a comment. I’ll send you an autographed golf ball for your magnanimous act of philanthropy.

Conversation of the day

*Phone rings*

Me: Hey.

Not me: Yo. Where are you?

Me: At the golf course.

Not me: I figured you’d either be at home or at the golf course. Not useful… Bye.

Me: So what’s…

*click*

Why do I have a cell phone again?

Misuda clip of the week

Well, it’s from like 6 months ago but I downloaded an old episode and thought I’d share this.

When speaking English to a Korean person, make sure you say it in a Korean accent.

Let’s do another one.

1. Which of the following restaurants do you want to go to with me?
A. Phil’s BBQ (San Diego)
B. Mastro’s Steakhouse (Costa Mesa)
C. House of Prime Rib (San Francisco)

Good luck.

Sorry, it’s another Misuda entry. I know you paid admission to read my rants about anime and other equally dorky Japanese things but I also gotta show some dap to my homeland. And by dap, I mean pointing out the utter hypocrisy of the Korean Broadcasting System.

KBS bleeped out the word “sex.” Surprise, surprise…

Granted that I only started watching the show a few months ago and, before that time, they might have bleeped out something even more preposterous… like… “pubic hair”, “armpit” or something like that, so maybe this is old news. Old news in the scope of Misuda, of course, because I’ve seen what KBS does in other shows.

And yet, the seating arrangement for the women on Misuda is in such a way that you’re sometimes staring at these women’s thighs for minutes at a time.

Worst. Network. Ever.

Well, the thighs are okay. I like women, for reals.

I hope you enjoy the answers. I’ll get back to regular blogging once my summer of socially occupied weekends begins and I have something to write about.

1. What city am I traveling to on July 18 - July 20?
Seattle, WA

2. Why am I going there?
My lifelong dream is to visit every Major League ballpark before I die of loneliness and abject poverty in the year 2012 (which will logically facilitate itself if I do end up going to every single ballpark). I have sentimental reasons for going to Seattle as my first non-California destination. Currently, I’m supposed to pay $250 for two nights of lodging (for a group of 6). Apparently, I’m staying at a brothel or something because I have no other explanation for the high cost.

3. When I told a friend and her sister about my lifelong dream, I also told them a list of cities that I need to visit. Which city got me laughed at?
When I was at Staples Center 2 weeks ago getting ROBBED of my tacos, I told my friend (the same one who wanted to “upgrade” our Lakers tickets back in March) and her sister about my lifelong dream (see #2). When I said I also had to go to Toronto, they laughed at me for like 10 seconds. Their comments ranged from “That’s cute…” to “Maybe if you wait 30 years, the team won’t be there anymore and you won’t have to go…” Then they laughed some more.

4. What did my friend and I see at the Umaimono Gourmet Fair in Torrance on Sunday (May 18th) that made us go from :O to :3 to :\ to :( back to :3 in a matter of 10 seconds?

5. If you’re a common serf, what awaits you with a pitchfork outside the bathroom?
A Klansman.

6. What am I watching right now?
It was probably either Hayate no Gotoku! or 미녀들의 수다 (Misuda).

7. Who is my favorite character in #6?
Depending on my answer for #6, it’s either Saki or Dominique Noel. I bet you thought I was going to say Isumi or Ayumu for Hayate no Gotoku!, huh? Anyone who guessed Hinagiku can eat shit and die. Actually, the only reason why I like Saki is because of the way she says “Waka.” For Misuda, anyone with ears and a brain will agree with me that Dominique is the greatest ever to grace that show. Sayuri gets an honorable mention because she’s insane.

8. What do the numbers (facing the driver) in the fuzzy dice in my car add up to?
11. When I bought the fuzzy dice back in Tahoe, I thought they were totally awesome. I put them on my mirror, which I assumed would make my car equally awesome. Then I made a right turn… That thing blocks about 60% of my vision when making a right. I’m living on borrowed time as I type this as an accident is inevitable and yet I have no intention of taking the dice down.

9. What bet do I make in craps for the sole purpose of saying it out loud even though it’s a terrible bet?
“Horn High Yo”
A Horn Bet is a bet that the outcome of the next roll of 2 dice will either be 2,3,11 or 12. In my case, because my job pays me in beans and movie tickets, I toss a meager $5 chip on the table and yell out “Horn High Yo!” That means I’m putting $1 each on 2, 3, 11 and 12 (Horn), with the extra $1 (High) going to 11 (Yo). The odds are terrible and the payout is even worse. I need a raise.

10. What should I eat for lunch tomorrow?
This is an easy question. There is no wrong answer, except for this one…

“you should go to mitsuwa and eat at italian tomato”

During lunch hours on any given day that entire food court is a circus, carnival and concentration camp combined under one roof. I went there at 2PM once and I still had to wait 30 minutes for my food.